It's the heart of the summer and the international break is over. That means MLS is back in full swing, and so are all of the things that made us fall in love with this crazy league and this beautiful game.
That's right folks, we're talking about printers, headlocks, hat-inspecting Redcoats, purple nurples, sombrero throwing, and heavy metal. Basically what we're trying to say is that he past week was like if pro wrestling and soccer collided and pushed us into an alternate, even weirder dimension. It was cool and we liked it.
Trey! Hand 'em out!
This was hands-down one of the most passionate press conferences in MLS history. RSL Head Coach Mike Petke is always good for a quote or two, and his post-match words inspired some awesome stuff almost immediately.
After being ejected in the 72nd minute for what he deemed to be some unfair refereeing, Petke went on an evidence-gathering mission. He hunted down pictures of chokeholds, "freakin' headlocks" and some other dark arts, and presented his findings in the post-game presser like a lawyer making his closing arguments.
It wasn't a rant. It was performance art.
Afterwards, Trey—yes, that Trey—made a guest appearance on MLS' Extra Time Radio podcast to talk about what went down. It was enlightening.
Sometimes folks make mistakes. Whether it's because they didn't drink enough coffee, were racing against the incorruptible beat of passing time, or were too busy thinking about some funny thing their cat did earlier that morning to pay attention is something we'll likely never know. But it's not important.
What's important is whether or not the mistake had funny consequences. These did.
The British are Coming (for your hat)!
The New England Revolution made a couple of videos, and they were good and cool. Lesson learned: do not mess with the hats of people from Boston, especially if you're wearing a powdered wig.
Alright... Wow, this video is even funnier. Do NOT come between people and their coffee, no matter who or where you are.
"My Girl is mad at me..."
Jozy Altidore suffered some very unkind treatment from an El Salvador defender in the U.S. Men's National Team's Gold Cup quarterfinal victory last week. Things got a little frisky...
That is supremely uncool, Henry Romero.
Jozy was cool about it after the match, though. He endeared himself to the fans with a little bit of humor, which is exactly how you handle a situation like this.
Altidore: "My girl is mad at me. She’s mad at me, she’s mad at Romero. She’s like ‘Only I can bite u, only I can grab your nipples.’ #usmnt— Steven Goff (@SoccerInsider) July 20, 2017
Hope you're out of the doghouse soon, Jozy.
Gol de Jamaica
Gol de Jamaica pic.twitter.com/Bdj3L45PL5— Univision Deportes (@UnivisionSports) July 24, 2017
A picture is worth 1,000 words. An anthology of volumes could be written about that GIF.
Anyway, if you'd like to see the goal that sent Jamaica to the Gold Cup finals and ripped the soul out of this poor El Tri fan, here you go:
Take a bow, Kemar Lawrence.
HEAVY METAL FOOTBALL
Iron Maiden was courteous enough to take a break from dominating the music world for almost four decades to play some soccer against NYCFC fans in Brooklyn this weekend.
That is... the absolute greatest sentence in the world. See for yourself.
What would you do before the final show of a World Tour? Steve and the Maiden Krew decided to play football in the intense heat of New York! They ran out 4-2 winners against NYFEST, with Steve grabbing a goal (as usual). Massive thanks to @nycfc for organising and the @metovalacademy for hosting. #Football #NYCFC #IronMaiden #TheBookOfSoulsWorldTour #USA #Brooklyn #NewYork